Perspectives: A Baller’s Wife-To-Be

Hey Ms. Honey!! First off I really like the site you’ve put together and your commentary keeps me in stitches. At first I was feeling really embarrassed about writing in for advice, but like you said, it’s a bigger embarrassment living a common life of a common person, so I got on my computer to make my confession; hopefully you can help.

About a year ago I went to a concert and caught the eye of a tall fine blinged out brother a few rows back. We smiled at each other, flirted with our eyes and during the intermission we started chatting. He’s a African rapper (pretty hot overseas) and didn’t speak very little English but I could just feel our energy and we had an instant connection.

He was in the states for work and pleasure and getting some inspiration from our culture. Anyways, we spent the next few days together and we have been carrying on a long distance relationship every since. I truly love this man. He’s in my top 8, and when he came to visit me this summer he met my parents and things went great. There are a few things that concern me and this is where I need your help.

He has a wife and kid and she lives in Spain and they haven’t lived together for 3 years; I know he’s married.  He’s not carrying on like a married man and I know that makes no difference but I’m really feeling him. He is of a different religion, which is an issue for my old school parents and there’s that language and cultural barrier but I’ve been taking language lessons and his English gets better with each of our late night conversations. Recently we’ve talked about marriage and me moving to overseas with him. I’m ready to live the life of a baller’s wife but my family and friends thinks it’s a horrible idea, what do you think?

Sincerely,

A Baller’s Wife-To-Be

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Thanks for writing in and the compliments. Well my dear let me explain something to you. You’re delusional. The fantasy you created, choosing to over look some key details that a normal woman would run from speak volumes of your character. Although people do find love in the club it’s unlikely. It seems like you’re caught up in the glitter and are not focusing on the true meaning of relationship and love. How well do you know this man, do you agree on the larger issues of life like, money, family, and children religion, politics? From your letter, it sounds like there isn’t a meeting of the minds on a few of these key issues.

Learning and accepting culture isn’t a big issue but are you willing to convert? Are you ready to be a mother? Are you ready to step in his shadow? The Tiny & Toya show is a great example of the downside of dating a “baller.” Like Tiny, are you ready to give up your dreams to please your man? There are surely benefits to a lifestyle filled with money, but is that worth your piece of mind? I would say although he seems right he probably isn’t right for you. When you ask yourself the bigger questions and remove your rose colored glasses, you would agree. Money is the root of all evil and the destruction of life. From the great words of Diamond, “make that money don’t let it make you.”